Skyfall

I don't like Skyfall. Like, I really don't like it. I don't like it as a Bond movie, and I don't like it as an action movie. I'm a fan of Daniel Craig as Bond, he is one of the best, but I don't like what he does, I don't like the story. But back to my point. I don't like Skyfall. I wasn't sure how to tackle this problem, so I thought I'd do it scene by scene. (Spoilers!)

The movie starts with one of my favorite opening scenes in Bond films, and that is my first problem. It should start with the gun-barrel scene. Every Bond movie should start with the gun-barrel. Removing it tells us that this is a reboot of the Bond movies, referencing back to the gags of the movies you once enjoyed, instead of including them.

Moving on, the action in the opening is spectacular and original, ignoring the huge goofs (Train driver ignoring half his train being ripped apart and so on). Bond gets shot, the girl is to dumb to take another shot, bad guy gets away. It's all good. But why? Why was Bond following the man? What was the consequences of him geting away. Some of you, those who paid really good attention, might remember that there was a USB drive containing identities of undercover agents around the world, basically the plot of Mission: Impossible, with a twist. In M:I:, they actually get the list back. In Skyfall, it's fate remains a mystery, as no one is interested about it anymore.

After twenty or so minutes of "Bond sucks", Bond meets Mark Zukenberg, the inventor of Facebook, who have started working as the famous "Q". We all know that the Craig movies are prequels, right. Seeing how the movies scream it in your ear whenever they get close enough, it is hard not to know. But for a movie selling so much on being a prequel, it sure try hard to fuck up even that. "Q"sais: "What were you expecting, an exploding pen? We don't do that anymore".

Pictured: An exploding pen, twenty years later.

Bond also gets an pistol that only he can fire. What a genius thing, that would have been handy on those twenty plus missions you went on after that.

Next up, Bond goes of to do one of the coolest fight scenes I have ever seen, and I'm pretty happy with the movie for half an hour or so. I like everything that happens right up till the point of them getting back to England. The villains escape is so ridicules, It's not even funny. Bond and Q agrees that he had planned this for months. Lets take a look at just what he had planned months before the breakout:

1. What abandoned complex MI6 would use as head of operations after the explosions, one witch not even Bond knows exist.
2. Exactly where in this newly renovated facility he will be held prisoner.
3. The exact time Q would be able to hack the computer.
4. Exactly where to plant the explosives to have a train seal of the path behind him, even though he thought he had lost Bond.
5. That Bond would miss.

People have compared this escape plan with those of Joker and Loki, but that is unjust. If you have seen the deleted scenes, you'd know the logic behind why Loki gets himself captured, and Joker takes everything as it comes, so he isn't subject to reasoning.

What happens next is what I think is the worst thing to happen in any Bond movie. Bond, M, and some old man prepare to fight the bad guys, Home Alone style. There is nothing Bondish about it. No witty remarks, no funny. Just a strait out, badly done shootout. 

The worst this to happen to the Bond franchise happens about here. If this hadn't happend, I would have taken back over half of my criticism toward this movie. We learn that he was born to the name "James Bond". If you don't get it, relax, as I will explain. There is a fan-theory that states that Bond is a code-name, and every actor is a new "Bond", taking over for the last one. This lets us stay happy when Dalton don't behave like Connery. Also, it means that Skyfall is a sequel, and that the references make sense, and that Judi Dench return as a zombie after fifty years to resume control of MI6. But no, Skyfall won't let us have that joy.

And then there is an epilogue making it clear that this is a prequel, and that Bond is not a spy, but a member of an organisation of time travelers set on a mission to remove logic wherever it may be found.